Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The End is Nigh...Again!

So I guess it is finally time for me to say something.  Since vowing not to write political posts anymore, it is hard to write something and not point out the battle against simple logic and mathematics that the Republican party is trying to use to claim that the Health Care law is bad for the economy, or about the new Alabama governor that yesterday came out in a huge public speech stating how non-Christians are not his brothers or sisters, but alas, that is all politics.

Today I am hear to speak about the more than obvious apocalypse that is coming very soon.  Oh, were you not aware about the End of Time and that it has started?  Well, neither was I until I read some articles by some very smart people who are also Christian bloggers.  The reported death of 200 cattle yesterday was the final sign that they needed to believe that a biblical prophecy is in order.

That is right!  The Anti-Christ is coming and then Jesus will be reborn!  Duh!  Because both of those things exist, we know it for a fact, and there is no argument at all to the idea that this is the sign we have been waiting for!  Come come Jesus Zombie, rise up and eat out brains!  Oh...I mean, rise up and save us...well...only 144,000 of us, if you believe what the bible says.  The rest you, fuck off, you are dead even if you were a brilliant and wonderful person, even if you were a Christian that led a good life.  If you did not receive the final stamp of approval from Jesus himself, then you are dead too.  Woot!

According to the Bible, which we all know to be true and correct in every way, there is a "prophecy" in the book of Hosea which states the following: By swearing, and lying, and killing, and stealing, and committing adultery, they break out, and blood toucheth blood...Therefore shall the land mourn, and every one that dwelleth therein shall languish, with the beasts of the field, and with the fowls of heaven; yea, the fishes of the sea also shall be taken away.

Whoa!  They are speaking the truth!  It has happened!  OMG!

Okay, it is time to get serious here because someone are so out of touch with reality and have no ability to take sarcasm.  I better explain myself before people think that this is real.  Let me start by letting all of you prophecy and conspiracy people in on a little secret that I know for a fact you are not aware of.  Here it is, are you ready:

Animals die...everyday.

Now, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, as if stating reality and denying the rapture is a bad thing, but animals die in mass numbers all of the time.  All the time.  You think some fish and birds dying is the sign of the End of Days?!  What about the mass extinction of millions of people in EVERY WAR?  Those were far more frightening than 200 cows dying or thousands of fish washing ashore in a river.  Some people will want to associate this with the idea of the "End of the Mayan Calendar".  This is one of the most hilarious ideas ever.  First of all, anyone who thinks it is the "end" of the calendar, is misreading the calendar in the first place.  Second of all, if the Mayans really knew so much about the future, why are they an extinct culture?

Anyone who believes in the rapture is just silly, I am sorry, but it is just a silly superstition that does not even fall in line with the basic tenets of Christianity as a whole.  It does not make sense people, even if you are someone that follows the word of Christ!

How many times have Doomsday prophecies gone unfulfilled?  Too many to count, that is for sure.  One day, yes, the world will end and all of these people are going to sit around going "I told you so!"  If you make enough guesses you will be right eventually.  The fun part is that if the world is going to end, fuck it, we have no real control over it.  We may not even know it.  One day we are sitting around, drinking out lattes, the next we are gone.  Oops!

It seems like a study in human arrogance and ego to want to claim to know the end of the world and claim that there is an answer.  It is another case of man claiming control of the forces of nature.  I cannot blame mankind for wanting to, but in then either we will achieve this feat through the acts of logic and science or we won't and nature will kick our ass again.  This feat will not be achieved through random beliefs and silly superstitions.  I am sorry, it won't.  Your arguments fail again and again and again.

So I will wrap this up by listing some of the Doomsdays that were supposed to have happened in my life time alone...
1. 1982 some preacher claimed was when it was going to happen.
2. September 1988, another Christian claimed it was going to happen.
3. Y2K...that is all I need to say about that one.
4. May 5th, 2000 was, according to some Christian scholars, the day the Devil will be set loose on the earth.
5. The LHC and black holes.  Sure...

These are just a  few.  Now, let us just sit around and hope that Zombie Jesus, the only savior that can use his hand as a friggin' whistle, will come back to save us.  Thank you Zombie Jesus!

PS:  If this sounds bitter, it is because it is.  I am tired of religious assaults on reality and reason.  I am tired of people thinking that it is okay to fail at life and at humanity because your soul, a thing that you cannot see or test or feel but it is there and we cannot prove it, needs access to an afterlife.  Fuck that.  Live a good life.  Help people be and do what you feel is morally correct, and you will win in the game called life.  Why does there have to be a reward afterward?

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